the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
