I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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