Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
