i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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