i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
