long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
