I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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