Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
