She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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