im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
