I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
