The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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