Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
