I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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