I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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