just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
