Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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