i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.