He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.