Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.