Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.

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  (604): a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point? (604): unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going. http://tfl.nu/jiid
  Replies (15) Good night (828) Bad night (2091)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan

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  (412): me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan http://tfl.nu/bxhp
  Replies (63) Good night (1086) Bad night (2415)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off

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  (617): my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off http://tfl.nu/ogtq
  Replies (36) Good night (4752) Bad night (1871)
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  (914): View more from New York

  my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

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  (914): my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet http://tfl.nu/lao3
  Replies (55) Good night (2670) Bad night (4901)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake

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  (816): yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake http://tfl.nu/gu5i
  Replies (11) Good night (4824) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you are both the best and worst wingman ever.

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  (204): I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?" (1-204): you are both the best and worst wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/2hl0
  Replies (17) Good night (7212) Bad night (1195)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?

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  (902): is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with? http://tfl.nu/yzo8
  Replies (56) Good night (1088) Bad night (5856)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.

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  (802): beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces. http://tfl.nu/r2in
  Replies (32) Good night (735) Bad night (8668)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.

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  (412): My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me. http://tfl.nu/dzz5
  Replies (40) Good night (863) Bad night (7636)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.

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  (856): 2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over. http://tfl.nu/sc8m
  Replies (8) Good night (3722) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.

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  (650): It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water. http://tfl.nu/g5w6
  Replies (14) Good night (765) Bad night (2623)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.

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  (773): No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape. http://tfl.nu/zpzm
  Replies (6) Good night (2798) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.

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  (617): Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won. http://tfl.nu/nnbm
  Replies (13) Good night (1155) Bad night (1988)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.

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  (519): I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future. http://tfl.nu/3f9u
  Replies (4) Good night (1314) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.

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  (240): Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum. http://tfl.nu/4chd
  Replies (12) Good night (472) Bad night (924)

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