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4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Randomize
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