Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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