Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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