You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
kristin has been a bad kristin
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
