Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
