Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
