At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
