i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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