hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He better not be in your backpack
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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