I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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