that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
