Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
