The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
