i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
