if i can run in heels then i can drive
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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