I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
