I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
