are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
