He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There's even glitter on my cock...
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