i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
