she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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