remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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