Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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