We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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