You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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