I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME