The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.