I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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