whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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