I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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