hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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