Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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