I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
