she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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