When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
