My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
