And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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