im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
