drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
