Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
