I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
