whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
